Armageddon (1998)

Every once in a while, a flick comes along that despite everything it has going against it, and beyond all reason, logic, and natural laws, it comes out extremely entertaining. It’s like a cake; there’s no reason putting all those random parts together and heating it up should make something delicious, but it does. And just like a cake, if this flick had been missing just one of the ingredients, it would ended up an unpalatable dud. For this recipe, take an ensemble cast, complete with requistite A-list stars and backup character actors, a director known for overblown special effects, and a completely ridiculous premise, mix together and bake for 150 minutes. Tadaa! You have Armageddon!

As a massive asteroid hurtles towards Earth, NASA head Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) is forced to send up a crack oil drilling team led by Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) that just happens to include half the working actors in Hollywood (Ben Affleck, Michael Clarke Duncan, Steve Buscemi, Owen Wilson, and a few other familiar faces). It’s up to them to destroy the asteroid and save Earth, all to a kickin’ Aerosmith soundtrack.

Not since Con Air the year before had such an insane amount of talent been roped into a Hollywood blockbuster. At the same time, it’s this talent that helps sell a collection of scenes that would otherwise leave you a shaking your head and muttering, “Did that really just happen?” This includes, but is not limited to, Ben Affleck-Liv Tyler animal cracker sex, Steve Buscemi’s space madness, and Bruce Willis ripping Affleck’s suit IN SPACE while Affleck magically holds it closed with his hand and lives. Billy Bob Thornton is famous for openly to regretting just doing this flick for the paycheck, but sometimes you feel like you just can’t blame him.

That being said, Armageddon still manages to be really entertaining. A Hollywood blockbuster inevitably means a huge budget, so the effects work is top notch, particulary the space scenes on the asteroid. As much crap as I would like to give Michael Bay (For every The Rock, there’s a Pearl Harbor or The Island), he does a good job on this one, constantly shifting the action to the next set piece before the audience has a chance to ponder the improbability of what just occurred on screen. He even manages to deliver a nice little tearjerker moment at the end, which is one more than most action movies have. All in all, Armageddon is definitely one of Bay’s better movies, and the perfect popcorn movie for a Friday night.

For the quick pick, I’m going with the other asteriod coming to destroy Earth movie of 1998, Deep Impact. More than anything else, the one selling point I’d give Deep Impact over Armageddon is that Morgan Freeman would be a pretty great president (giving credit where credit is due, this is an idea satirized brilliantly by Dave Chapelle). Otherwise, the two function as different sides of the same coin, with Deep Impact focusing a bit more on the emotion and the human aspect that comes with such a catastrophe, rather than the explosion and action. Put the two together, and you’ve got a great double feature.

Alex Ernst fully blames the producers for the introduction of the scourge that is the animal cracker sex fetish. You can join his class action lawsuit in the comments section.