Worst Offenders: Bram Stroker’s Dracula, The Devil’s Advocate.

Keanu Reeves is far from a bad actor. Although he has a somewhat limited range, when he does deliver, it is absolutely worth the rest of his wooden repertoire. But he should not do an accent. It’s like taking Richard Gere in The Jackal and multiplying it by 100. Keanu Reeves doing an accent is like your friend putting lipstick on a pig: at first it’s entertaining, but pretty soon your friend smells and he has to explain to his girlfriend why there’s shit on his shoes and lipstick on his crotch, and why you forgot to bring the milk home even though you had a note – I mean your friend had a note. Back to the subject at hand, some people can do it (Gary Oldman) and some, like Mr. “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K” Reeves, cannot.

As a massive asteroid hurtles towards Earth, NASA head Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) is forced to send up a crack oil drilling team led by Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) that just happens to include half the working actors in Hollywood (Ben Affleck, Michael Clarke Duncan, Steve Buscemi, Owen Wilson, and a few other familiar faces). It’s up to them to destroy the asteroid and save Earth, all to a kickin’ Aerosmith soundtrack.

Not since Con Air the year before had such an insane amount of talent been roped into a Hollywood blockbuster. At the same time, it’s this talent that helps sell a collection of scenes that would otherwise leave you a shaking your head and muttering, “Did that really just happen?” This includes, but is not limited to, Ben Affleck-Liv Tyler animal cracker sex, Steve Buscemi’s space madness, and Bruce Willis ripping Affleck’s suit IN SPACE while Affleck magically holds it closed with his hand and lives. Billy Bob Thornton is famous for openly to regretting just doing this flick for the paycheck, but sometimes you feel like you just can’t blame him.

That being said, Armageddon still manages to be really entertaining. A Hollywood blockbuster inevitably means a huge budget, so the effects work is top notch, particulary the space scenes on the asteroid. As much crap as I would like to give Michael Bay (For every The Rock, there’s a Pearl Harbor or The Island), he does a good job on this one, constantly shifting the action to the next set piece before the audience has a chance to ponder the improbability of what just occurred on screen. He even manages to deliver a nice little tearjerker moment at the end, which is one more than most action movies have. All in all, Armageddon is definitely one of Bay’s better movies, and the perfect popcorn movie for a Friday night.

For the quick pick, I’m going with the other asteriod coming to destroy Earth movie of 1998, Deep Impact. More than anything else, the one selling point I’d give Deep Impact over Armageddon is that Morgan Freeman would be a pretty great president (giving credit where credit is due, this is an idea satirized brilliantly by Dave Chapelle). Otherwise, the two function as different sides of the same coin, with Deep Impact focusing a bit more on the emotion and the human aspect that comes with such a catastrophe, rather than the explosion and action. Put the two together, and you’ve got a great double feature.

Alex Ernst fully blames the producers for the introduction of the scourge that is the animal cracker sex fetish. You can join his class action lawsuit in the comments section.

Zia (Patrick Fugit, better known as that kid from Almost Famous
) decides to kill himself after his girlfriend breaks up with him. He soon finds himself in a bleak after world reserved for suicides, best described in his own words as “like the real world, but crappier.” When he hears from a mutual acquaintance that his ex committed a suicide a few months after he did, Zia sets off across the after world to find her and possibly the meaning of life that has still escaped him in death.

“It could be worse. We could be in Detroit.”

The word that immediately comes to mind about this flick is how refreshing it is. The filmmakers took a novel and original concept and created a black comedy with a lot of heart. Great touches, like Zia’s afterlife job at Kamikaze Pizza, or the literal black hole under the front seat of the car into which your sunglasses and tapes disappear forever, served to add clever touches of humor in ways that are sorely lacking in many films today. The movies also manages to explore the theme of the next life not being that much better than this one in a very inventive and meaningful way.

Kudos need to be given to the acting as well. Patrick Fugit does a great job doing his indie-Michael Cera thing, and really sell his character’s hopefulness throughout, a trait which helps hold back some of the movie’s otherwise bleak themes. Also worth mentioning is Shea Whigman, playing Zia’s Russian best friend and the film’s comic relief. Whigman manages to make his scene-stealing look effortless, breezing through lines like an excuse for not wanting to sit in the back because “everybody knows guy in the back seat doesn’t have a cock.” Finally, if for no other reason, watch Wristcutters for Will Arnett in a small roll playing a magician/cult leader named Messiah. Arnett manages to make more than enough of his short screen time, practically stealing the film right out from under the principal players.

As this is an indie film, I was extremely impressed with how the filmmakers took a complete lack of budget and created a film around it. Have no money? Set your movie almost entirely in the California desert, give your protagonists an incredibly crappy car, and make this bleakness inherent to the plot. My favorite example of the ingenuity used in this flick comes when the group is stopped by a cop for a minor transgression. Rather than having an actual uniform, the man wears a white undershirt with a black clip-on tie. The brilliant thing is that it works because as an audience, you’ve come to expect everything in this world is cheap and slipshod. The moral here is that you don’t need $100 million to make a meaningful, touching, and funny picture.

Alex Ernst feels like if Will Arnett showed up in his afterlife it wouldn’t be that bad after all. On the other hand Jake Busey would be there too…tough choice.

]]> http://thebackrowmovies.wordpress.com/2008/09/02/wristcutters-a-love-story-2006/feed/ 0 thebackrowmovies http://thebackrowmovies.wordpress.com/2008/08/29/the-mist-2007/ http://thebackrowmovies.wordpress.com/2008/08/29/the-mist-2007/#comments Sat, 30 Aug 2008 01:34:45 +0000 thebackrowmovies http://thebackrowmovies.wordpress.com/?p=11 ]]> In all honesty, I was really not looking forward to this flick. Between the name, which seemed like a giant rip-off of The Fog, the less than stellar track record of Stephen King stories that have hit the screen (Pet Semetary, Children of the Corn, The Tommyknockers, The Lawnmower Man, etc., etc.,), and Thomas Jane’s questionable acting ability (Arrested Development cameo nonwithstanding), there seemed to be more than enough strikes against it right from the get go. I’m happy to say that I was completely blown away by the guts this movie showed. With that, lets do The Mist.

As a strange mist envelops a small Maine town, David Drayton (Thomas Jane) his son, and numerous other members of the town, including his asshole neighbor (Andre Braugher) and a religious nut (Marcia Gay Harden)  huddle for shelter in the local supermarket. When bizarre and deadly monsters begin laying siege, questions are asked, sides are taken, and more than a little blood is spilled. It’s up to David to try to protect his son and find a way to escape the dangers hiding in…THE MIST (bum bum baaaahhhh!)

Not to toot my horn, but I’ve watched a lot of horror movies in my time, and I can’t remember the last time I jumped out of my seat and yelled loud and/or frequently as I did when I saw The Mist.  This movie refused to pull punches, constantly lulling you into a false sense of security before pulling the rug back out from under you.

As far as acting goes, Thomas Jane was the biggest surprise here. Playing the everyman who the audience is supposed to identify with, Jane carried the emotional burden extremely well (side note: does Jane have some sort of clause in his contract that demands that he has to be allowed to wear a tight black T-shirt in every role?). Also of note was Marcia Gay Harden’s performance as the born-again-Christian Mrs. Carmody, whose dire predictions and spouting of end-time Bible verses may actually be the truth. Harden took what could have easily have been a one-note role and managed to to make it into a fleshed-out, complex character. Also keep an eye out for William Sadler, the film’s resident “That Guy”, who you may remember from such flicks as The Shawshank Redemption and Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey.

Exhibit A

A lot has to be said for Frank Darabont, the writer and director, who used William Sadler to go use in The Shawshank Redmeption as well. Rather than the happy Hollywood ending that flick had, Darabont ends The Mist on a down note that manages to stick with you long after the credits roll.  Recognition needs to be given for taking a chance with such a disturbing finale, one which could have easily driven audiences away. Darabont also does a great job establishing the layout of the supermarket, establishing the film’s internal geography and going a long way to drawing you into the film.

The bottom line is that The Mist was easily one of the best horror films of 2007. Packed with scares, gore, and scariest of all, an underlying social commentary, it not only scares you, it instills terror.  It didn’t help matters for me that right after the film ended, a thick fog began rolling in right outside my window. That’s like walking out of Jaws and seeing a shark fin in the ocean or leaving Mean Girls and going to an all-girls high school. That was a horror movie, right?

Alex Ernst really didn’t need one more thing to be afraids of. So that’s mist, clowns, ventriloquist dummies…you can reach him at Backrowmovies.